patook.com

Join Patook - The strictly platonic friend-making app!

Patook is the strictly platonic friend making app. Make friends with amazing people nearby who share your interests.

[feministingforchange]

To all my Ace- & Aro-spec friends - and anyone else that might be interested - I highly recommend you check out this new platonic friend-making app called Patook!! 

I’ve only just started using it myself (for less than a week) and I’m not 100% sure about whether it will be helpful to me or not, but it’s still early days with fairly few users. But as it gains users, I have little doubt it’ll become very popular!

And here’s some especially great news:

There’s zero tolerance on flirting. We perma-ban everyone who tries it. If the flirt detector (FD) doesn’t catch it, then you can use the “…” button on the top right and “report the conversation as flirty”. We update the FD every week based on those reports (as well as any false alarms) so it’s continuously evolving. (Tony)

And if you try to send a message that isn’t flirting but it still gets flagged that way, Tony is always happy to hear from you to try to improve the flirt detector’s algorithms & improve your user experience. 

Would you like some even better news??? 

Creator Tony has asked me to boost Patook on Tumblr and as an incentive for you to join, has given all us the coupon code “FEMINISTING” to become a Premium Member!  Apparently, says Tony, “the main thing with premium is that it gets rid of the ads, and then adds some stuff like ‘check if message was read’, extra profile ranking boost, recall messages, reset swipes.” 

So these are all good things, amirite? 

You should definitely give it a shot!! 💜💚💛

[feministingforchange]

sometimes i worry that… ppl so strongly associate me with “w e i r d” that even the fairly ordinary things that I do are still read as “B A D” when done by me

[feministingforchange]

QUICK PSA

Stop with all the harassment, bullying, suicide baiting, and other nasty shit - especially by adults towards minors, I mean come on!!!!! Be. The. ADULT!!

Just agree to disagree and mutually block.

Anonymous asked:

Why are you always fighting with people online like I'm not against anything you say or stand for but it's like all your posts are just screen caps ad receipts and fighting and arguing and, shit like that. You've got this feminist for change thing and when you post articles and news n shit it's good but now it's just all, obscure and asexual/aromantic discourse. It's a bummer.

forevrdreamingofbetterthings answered:

*sighs* I really do appreciate that you meant well with this ask, but can I ask…. why do you think feminism/activism should always be entertaining and non-bummer-ish? 

Bc I have very bad news for you Anon :( 

Sometimes feminism/activism is grueling and terrible and shitty as hell. And right now my blog and I have been devoted largely to helping ALL aspecs feel included, valued, and loved. 

Bc the “””discourse””” is meant to take exactly that away from us, and there are WAYYYYY too many aspec/questioning youngns out there having to have their humanity FURTHER questioned and their lives threatened/suicide baited and other things (like being told asexuality is 18+, inappropriate for sex-ed, & TMI) by people we generally expect with accept us, unlike the rest of society that def doesn’t (on & offline!).   

So yeah, I’m involved and that’s not likely to stop (although my involvement will fluctuate over time) bc I care about these kids, other aspecs, & our allies. I also care about the super young exclusionists who are being fed horribly bigoted lies and need/deserve a better education.

If you don’t like that, you know where that unfollow button is.

#BoostAceVoices

patook.com

Join Patook - The strictly platonic friend-making app!

Patook is the strictly platonic friend making app. Make friends with amazing people nearby who share your interests.

[feministingforchange]

To all my Ace- & Aro-spec friends - and anyone else that might be interested - I highly recommend you check out this new platonic friend-making app called Patook!! 

I’ve only just started using it myself (for less than a week) and I’m not 100% sure about whether it will be helpful to me or not, but it’s still early days with fairly few users. But as it gains users, I have little doubt it’ll become very popular!

And here’s some especially great news:

There’s zero tolerance on flirting. We perma-ban everyone who tries it. If the flirt detector (FD) doesn’t catch it, then you can use the “…” button on the top right and “report the conversation as flirty”. We update the FD every week based on those reports (as well as any false alarms) so it’s continuously evolving. (Tony)

And if you try to send a message that isn’t flirting but it still gets flagged that way, Tony is always happy to hear from you to try to improve the flirt detector’s algorithms & improve your user experience. 

Would you like some even better news??? 

Creator Tony has asked me to boost Patook on Tumblr and as an incentive for you to join, has given all us the coupon code “FEMINISTING” to become a Premium Member!  Apparently, says Tony, “the main thing with premium is that it gets rid of the ads, and then adds some stuff like ‘check if message was read’, extra profile ranking boost, recall messages, reset swipes.” 

So these are all good things, amirite? 

You should definitely give it a shot!! 💜💚💛

[feministingforchange]

Here’s the link. Oh and if you wondered:

THIS IS WHY CAPITAL PUNISHMENT NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!

[feministingforchange]

I will never understand how people could think murder is an appropriate response to murder. 

[forevrdreamingofbetterthings]

*except, ofc, when it’s in self defense 

feministingforchange:

asapscience:

Less variance, more scariance. [Reddit/funny]

this is my kind of math lol

[alwaysbewoke]

#NoRacistCostumes2k15

[alwaysbewoke]

#NoRacistCostumes2k16

[gaylienz]

adding this pic because tbh Natives have a FUCK TON of racist costumes made after them. Shit like Indian Princess and headdresses and Reservation Queen. People continue to think its okay to dress up like us with their shitty fake feathers and ‘war paint’. Its not. 

[jewishzevran]

^People seem to forget this one

[anti-capitalistlesbianwitch]

This shouldn’t have to be said every year, but here we are again. C’mon, people.

[secluded-thunderstorm]

#NORACISTCOSTUMES2K16

[feministingforchange]

#NoRacistCostumes2K17

[feministingforchange]

sometimes i worry that… ppl so strongly associate me with “w e i r d” that even the fairly ordinary things that I do are still read as “B A D” when done by me

feministingforchange:

secluded-thunderstorm:

anti-capitalistlesbianwitch:

jewishzevran:

gaylienz:

alwaysbewoke:

alwaysbewoke:

#NoRacistCostumes2k15

#NoRacistCostumes2k16

adding this pic because tbh Natives have a FUCK TON of racist costumes made after them. Shit like Indian Princess and headdresses and Reservation Queen. People continue to think its okay to dress up like us with their shitty fake feathers and ‘war paint’. Its not. 

^People seem to forget this one

This shouldn’t have to be said every year, but here we are again. C’mon, people.

#NORACISTCOSTUMES2K16

#NoRacistCostumes2K17

[feministingforchange]

I just wanna hug (with permission) each and every fellow aspec that I see saying sad shit like - “the ace community on this hellsite makes me want to stop IDing as ace tbh bc with this whole ‘aces can’t be straight bc straight is heterosexual AND heteroromantic’ y'all make me feel like i’m less gay and less valid in my LGBT identity than if i weren’t ace and that sucks bc it took a long fuckin time for me to deal with not being hetero” - and let them know that we aren’t any “less gay” or pan (like I am) or whatever, we’re just… ALSO aspec. 

The aspec part MATTERS, it counts, it doesn’t just disappear, and aspec erasure is something that we’re currently fighting hard against bc it happens to us SO. DAMN. OFTEN. This is what the exclusionists are trying to reinforce too by turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets with full straight privilege. This ERASES ppl’s aspec IDs in order to support exclusionary bullshit, which they base in ahistoric lies and bigotry that places aspec IDs outside of the LGBT+ whilst claiming we’re actually The Straights™ trying to infiltrate and destroy the LGBT+. 

The fact is though that aro/ace specs are NOT straight bc there is no intrinsic “het” attraction connected to these IDs, and to suggest otherwise is entirely heteronormative and toxic as hell. Furthermore, I personally am NOT pansexual; I am panromantic demisexual and anyone that suggests my demisexuality means I’m any less pan can kiss my entire ass. What I am is pan & ace: The End.

I hope that this message helps those of you feeling concerned about this. I totally understand your concerns in the context of this nasty “”””ace discourse””””, but it’s not necessary bc you are 100% valid w/ ALL of your IDs. You honestly do not have to choose and anyone that tries to make you choose is not your friend. *hugs if wanted*

#BoostAceVoices

[discoursecrow]

*hugs hetties* you are valid anyway “turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets” implies that being asexual waters down your sexuality and makes you less than 100% of your sexuality, something you folks are always accusing cishets exclusionists of doing, while accusing us of invalidating asexual identities, so this is kind of a mess being asexual doesn’t make you less straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other orientation! big shout-out to asexuals who get told otherwise by inclusionists and feel invalidated!

[feministingforchange]

Instant Replay:

me, in OP (a cis panromantic demisexual): All of y(our) IDs are 100% valid, none of us is any less gay lesbian or bi or pan or whatever for acknowledging we’re aspec too, and doing so absolutely does NOT water anything down. We do not have to erase our aspec IDs to be considered valid; we can have it all in that we really don’t have to choose and anyone that tells you otherwise isn’t good for you.

@discoursecrow, the disappointing exclusionist: *after doing some shnazzy mental gymnastics, including hugging the “hetties”* So …..you’re like, actually saying acknowledging aspec IDs waters down ppl’s “Real LGBT IDs™”. GOTCHA!! Way to literally invalidate asexuals you ignorant inclusionist. The actual, honest to goodness, BESTEST way ever to validate asexuals is actually to erase them, Like, DUhhhhh!

me: *looks at the camera as if i’m a character in The Office and flatly asks* … anyone else see what this anti-aro/ace croWnie just did there, like….? :/

[impuretale]

Isn’t it funny how they purposefully snipped off that quote to make sure they left out the part saying “with full straight privilege”? Like that wasn’t the whole fucking point? 

[feministingforchange]

Yeah, it’s almost as if they stopped reading at that point lol. Our choices here are not “aspec erasure OR LGBT+-lite”. We CAN in fact fully claim all of our IDs, there is no need to choose and anyone that says differently is bigoted and just plain WRONG. 

[chronicclungs]

Funny cause neurodiversity “waters down” a lot about my sexuality, my gender, romantic attraction, etc.

But who cares about disabled people right? We’re always the last being discussed.

[feministingforchange]

Yeah for real :/

[feministingforchange]

I just wanna hug (with permission) each and every fellow aspec that I see saying sad shit like - “the ace community on this hellsite makes me want to stop IDing as ace tbh bc with this whole ‘aces can’t be straight bc straight is heterosexual AND heteroromantic’ y'all make me feel like i’m less gay and less valid in my LGBT identity than if i weren’t ace and that sucks bc it took a long fuckin time for me to deal with not being hetero” - and let them know that we aren’t any “less gay” or pan (like I am) or whatever, we’re just… ALSO aspec. 

The aspec part MATTERS, it counts, it doesn’t just disappear, and aspec erasure is something that we’re currently fighting hard against bc it happens to us SO. DAMN. OFTEN. This is what the exclusionists are trying to reinforce too by turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets with full straight privilege. This ERASES ppl’s aspec IDs in order to support exclusionary bullshit, which they base in ahistoric lies and bigotry that places aspec IDs outside of the LGBT+ whilst claiming we’re actually The Straights™ trying to infiltrate and destroy the LGBT+. 

The fact is though that aro/ace specs are NOT straight bc there is no intrinsic “het” attraction connected to these IDs, and to suggest otherwise is entirely heteronormative and toxic as hell. Furthermore, I personally am NOT pansexual; I am panromantic demisexual and anyone that suggests my demisexuality means I’m any less pan can kiss my entire ass. What I am is pan & ace: The End.

I hope that this message helps those of you feeling concerned about this. I totally understand your concerns in the context of this nasty “”””ace discourse””””, but it’s not necessary bc you are 100% valid w/ ALL of your IDs. You honestly do not have to choose and anyone that tries to make you choose is not your friend. *hugs if wanted*

#BoostAceVoices

[discoursecrow]

*hugs hetties* you are valid anyway “turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets” implies that being asexual waters down your sexuality and makes you less than 100% of your sexuality, something you folks are always accusing cishets exclusionists of doing, while accusing us of invalidating asexual identities, so this is kind of a mess being asexual doesn’t make you less straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other orientation! big shout-out to asexuals who get told otherwise by inclusionists and feel invalidated!

[feministingforchange]

Instant Replay:

me, in OP (a cis panromantic demisexual): All of y(our) IDs are 100% valid, none of us is any less gay lesbian or bi or pan or whatever for acknowledging we’re aspec too, and doing so absolutely does NOT water anything down. We do not have to erase our aspec IDs to be considered valid; we can have it all in that we really don’t have to choose and anyone that tells you otherwise isn’t good for you.

@discoursecrow, the disappointing exclusionist: *after doing some shnazzy mental gymnastics, including hugging the “hetties”* So …..you’re like, actually saying acknowledging aspec IDs waters down ppl’s “Real LGBT IDs™”. GOTCHA!! Way to literally invalidate asexuals you ignorant inclusionist. The actual, honest to goodness, BESTEST way ever to validate asexuals is actually to erase them, Like, DUhhhhh!

me: *looks at the camera as if i’m a character in The Office and flatly asks* … anyone else see what this anti-aro/ace croWnie just did there, like….? :/

[impuretale]

Isn’t it funny how they purposefully snipped off that quote to make sure they left out the part saying “with full straight privilege”? Like that wasn’t the whole fucking point? 

[feministingforchange]

Yeah, it’s almost as if they stopped reading at that point lol. Our choices here are not “aspec erasure OR LGBT+-lite”. We CAN in fact fully claim all of our IDs, there is no need to choose and anyone that says differently is bigoted and just plain WRONG. 

[chronicclungs]

Funny cause neurodiversity “waters down” a lot about my sexuality, my gender, romantic attraction, etc.

But who cares about disabled people right? We’re always the last being discussed.

[feministingforchange]

Yeah for real :/

[feministingforchange]

I just wanna hug (with permission) each and every fellow aspec that I see saying sad shit like - “the ace community on this hellsite makes me want to stop IDing as ace tbh bc with this whole ‘aces can’t be straight bc straight is heterosexual AND heteroromantic’ y'all make me feel like i’m less gay and less valid in my LGBT identity than if i weren’t ace and that sucks bc it took a long fuckin time for me to deal with not being hetero” - and let them know that we aren’t any “less gay” or pan (like I am) or whatever, we’re just… ALSO aspec. 

The aspec part MATTERS, it counts, it doesn’t just disappear, and aspec erasure is something that we’re currently fighting hard against bc it happens to us SO. DAMN. OFTEN. This is what the exclusionists are trying to reinforce too by turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets with full straight privilege. This ERASES ppl’s aspec IDs in order to support exclusionary bullshit, which they base in ahistoric lies and bigotry that places aspec IDs outside of the LGBT+ whilst claiming we’re actually The Straights™ trying to infiltrate and destroy the LGBT+. 

The fact is though that aro/ace specs are NOT straight bc there is no intrinsic “het” attraction connected to these IDs, and to suggest otherwise is entirely heteronormative and toxic as hell. Furthermore, I personally am NOT pansexual; I am panromantic demisexual and anyone that suggests my demisexuality means I’m any less pan can kiss my entire ass. What I am is pan & ace: The End.

I hope that this message helps those of you feeling concerned about this. I totally understand your concerns in the context of this nasty “”””ace discourse””””, but it’s not necessary bc you are 100% valid w/ ALL of your IDs. You honestly do not have to choose and anyone that tries to make you choose is not your friend. *hugs if wanted*

#BoostAceVoices

[discoursecrow]

*hugs hetties* you are valid anyway “turning heteromantic/heterosexual aspecs into 100% hets” implies that being asexual waters down your sexuality and makes you less than 100% of your sexuality, something you folks are always accusing cishets exclusionists of doing, while accusing us of invalidating asexual identities, so this is kind of a mess being asexual doesn’t make you less straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other orientation! big shout-out to asexuals who get told otherwise by inclusionists and feel invalidated!

[feministingforchange]

Instant Replay:

me, in OP (a cis panromantic demisexual): All of y(our) IDs are 100% valid, none of us is any less gay lesbian or bi or pan or whatever for acknowledging we’re aspec too, and doing so absolutely does NOT water anything down. We do not have to erase our aspec IDs to be considered valid; we can have it all in that we really don’t have to choose and anyone that tells you otherwise isn’t good for you.

@discoursecrow, the disappointing exclusionist: *after doing some shnazzy mental gymnastics, including hugging the “hetties”* So …..you’re like, actually saying acknowledging aspec IDs waters down ppl’s “Real LGBT IDs™”. GOTCHA!! Way to literally invalidate asexuals you ignorant inclusionist. The actual, honest to goodness, BESTEST way ever to validate asexuals is actually to erase them, Like, DUhhhhh!

me: *looks at the camera as if i’m a character in The Office and flatly asks* … anyone else see what this anti-aro/ace croWnie just did there, like….? :/

[impuretale]

Isn’t it funny how they purposefully snipped off that quote to make sure they left out the part saying “with full straight privilege”? Like that wasn’t the whole fucking point? 

[feministingforchange]

Yeah, it’s almost as if they stopped reading at that point lol. Our choices here are not “aspec erasure OR LGBT+-lite”. We CAN in fact fully claim all of our IDs, there is no need to choose and anyone that says differently is bigoted and just plain WRONG. 

[chronicclungs]

Funny cause neurodiversity “waters down” a lot about my sexuality, my gender, romantic attraction, etc.

But who cares about disabled people right? We’re always the last being discussed.

[feministingforchange]

Yeah for real :/

[feministingforchange]

sometimes i worry that… ppl so strongly associate me with “w e i r d” that even the fairly ordinary things that I do are still read as “B A D” when done by me