Anonymous asked:
bisexualgambit answered:
I’ve always hated that argument and I hate it even more now that I’ve been through it.
Stop using internalized homophobia and internalized transphobia to justify denying people learning about their identities. If a kid is going to use a different label to deny their internalized homophobia/transphobia, they isn’t anyone’s fault but The Straights™ and their heteronormativity.
THANK YOU!!! WHY TF do these jackasses think it’s legit and ok to deny a-spec IDs to kids (and to everyone, quite frankly) simply bc they fear kids might use it to hide from their “True LGBT IDs”™, even if just for a while.
Let’s actually THINK for a moment about what this argument is saying.
They want to deny a-spec to ALL kids that might need it bc they don’t want some kids to use it as a crutch while they come to terms with their actual (or simply “other”) IDs along the way. OMG the horror of such a prospect! /sarcasm.
To me, as an actual a-spec who experiences panromanticism, I cannot imagine denying this to kids simply bc, let’s face it, you hate all a-specs. I mean, where’s the concern for the a-specs who get forced into uncomfortable and sometimes abusive relationships because they don’t even KNOW or understand that their feelings are valid, normal, and ok and that they have a community to support them? That they don’t HAVE to be in a sexual relationship if they don’t want to and that there IS a split attraction model that could help them to better understand themselves (e.g., I’m panromantic demisexual).
IOW, this mentality demonstrates:
- A need to force LGBT+ kids to come to terms with their IDs before they’re ready, and
- A need to make damn sure those IDs aren’t a-spec
Why do a-spec kids (& ADULTS!!) have to be thrown under the bus for other LGBT+ kids?!?!?
I’ll tell you why: APHOBIA + ALLOSEXISM
FUCK OFF WITH THIS HORRIBLE APHOBIC SHIT AND LET US ALL JUST BEEEEE!!!!
what the bleeding fuck anon.
As someone who is ace and couldn’t for the life of me figure out if I was bi or straight from age 14-19 and spent years questioning what I was (bc its reeeeeall hard to figure out sexuality when you’ve never felt sexual attraction to jack shit) that’s fucked up. Whenever you deny kids information about asexuality and the right to identify as such, you’re hurting them. Let kids learn about all different sexualities and labels, including asexual Later on, if it turns out that label doesn’t fit and they realize their sexuality is something else- big whoop! Kids make mistakes, adults make mistakes and sexuality can be fluid too! Hows about we start unconditionally loving and supporting LGBTQIAP+ people, esp. the questioning kiddos and teach about ALL orientations.
Right on! The only ppl supporting reduced sex/orientation education seem to be aphobes and the abstinence-only crew. I think that says a lot…
As a side note, I’m not sure/convinced that anon supports that position; I just think they were describing it. I hope that’s all they were doing anyway *crosses fingers & toes for humanity’s sake*
I’m about to turn 49 and in the past year I’ve started to believe that I’m asexual. I enjoy sex, I’m attracted to my partner, but I could live without sex. I rarely initiate, I don’t feel attracted to people I don’t have an emotional attachment to and I fucking wish I had known about a-spec when I was growing up.
The amount of heart ache and sexual abuse I would have been spared boggles my mind. Don’t deny knowledge to people out of fear.
That is such a joke because I identified as bi-sexual for a while before discovering I was most likely Demi-sexual or fluid and let me tell you, plenty of LGBT+ people considered bi the ‘inbetween people use to stay half in the closet’. I mean, people are still biphobic as shit in and out of the community but atleast people these days know about bi-sexuality and aren’t trying to suppress people learning about it because ‘OMFG what if the kids pretend they’re bi instead of gay!’
Who the fuck cares? Who cares if people honestly believe they identify as something before realising they’re something else? Who cares if kids maybe misrepresent themselves to test the waters before coming out as what they really believe they are? If kids use one label to hide what they actually are that doesn’t mean ‘Hey let’s get rid of the other sexuality’ it means ‘shit we’ve still got a long way to go before kids are comfortable with themselves’. You can’t throw asexuals under the bus cause maybe some gay kids might use it for a while???
Not to mention that you can be gay and on the a-spectrum.
As a teenager, after years of wrestling with my myself over what I felt (and didn’t feel), I came to the conclusion that I must be bi. Because at that point I didn’t realize I wasn’t experiencing attraction (because I didn’t know it was *possible* to not experience attraction), and I had a sort of equal aesthetic appreciation of both genders, I thought the only explanation was that I was bi. A broken bisexual, destined to be alone because I couldn’t fathom actually getting close to anyone, but obviously bi. Right? Wrong, 18-year-old me. So wrong. And what gets me is all the people (still teenagers, usually) who say that sexuality education shouldn’t include ace or aro because, “asexual tumbly.hell really screwed me up, man! I thought I was ace and then I wasn’t!” So, because some people might accidentally ID as ace before discovering their actual identities, we should let every minor who is actually ace and/or aro continue to feel broken until they happen to be old enough to stumble across the term online somewhere, like I did at 21? And if your argument is, “ace tumblr screwed me up because I thought I was ace *and that made me feel broken*!” Then whose fucking fault is that, really? Besides the people who refuse to allow others to tell ace and aro minors that they are NOT broken; That their asexuality or aromanticism is valid as long as they identify with the label, and it is perfectly acceptable if they find a more appropriate label at a later date, and whether it changes for them or not, *they are still valid*? (hint: No one else’s. It’s definitely their fault.) Sexuality education should include all valid sexualities. Teenagers learning about the existence of asexuality and aromanticism is no different than them learning about the existence of bisexuality, or homosexuality. They’re no more likely to actually BE gay or ace or bi or anything else just by learning about them, but they deserve all the information. And if you’re advocating that they don’t, it’s kind of disgusting. Like conservatives advocating that teens not learn how to put on a condom in health class because mentioning sex will make them want sex (i.e. *sexualize* them, does that sound familiar?). That’s not discourse. That’s aphobia and erasure. (Also, PS, @feministingforchange First: I love your blog; second: I feel kind of squicky with ‘on the (a)-spectrum’ as a term to refer aspecs. Aspec is absolutely ours, but ‘on the spectrum’ is definitively theirs, so I feel like we shouldn’t.)
Thanks for the blog love @shaselma, but let me just clarify something. We cannot say “on the spectrum” bc that is definitely about autistic ppl and I would NEVER use it intentionally (although it has slipped out of my mouth before and for that I apologize to all autistic ppl) and definitely advocate for it to stay their property. But “on the a-spectrum” (which is what I said) is totally fine, I mean, that’s literally what aspec refers to. :)
Also, love your comment! I cannot understand throwing aspecs under the bus like this but they just cannot help themselves.
(update/correction: I now realize that i’m actually autistic too)
