Anonymous asked:

I'm pansexual, but currently my libido is suppressed due to having a horrifying, life-destroying illness that has taken my ability to live independently, hold a job, or do basically anything but lay in bed and cry from the pain. The fact that my libido is on hiatus is, though perfectly understandable given the situation, is distressing to me. Yet whenever I look for resources, such as 'how to boost libido' etc, or just some support in general, all I get is "it's called asexuality and you (1/2)

forevrdreamingofbetterthings answered:

need to be proud of it!“ This isn’t a complaint about a-specs though, the people who are doing this are, uniformly, not a-spec. It’s inclusionists saying “but but but not IDing as ace when you’re obviously ace is aphobic!” It’s exclusionists saying “if you love aces so much, why don’t you ID that way? lol it’s cause you know they’re fake!” In fact, the only people who seem to give me genuine sympathy are aces. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know what I’m asking, but you write (2/3)

such awesome stuff and I always feel better after reading your blog, so I figured I’d tell you my situation and see what it inspires you to write. (3/3)

Hello my friend, thank you so much for saying such kind things about my writing, I’m super pleased to hear it! 

That said, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness and its effects on your libido. I assume you were inspired to submit this anon to me bc of this recent comment on a reblog?

I’ve actually already answered a question like yours before (but the person was dealing with sex-repulsion, not low libido), so since I’m low on spoons but I wanna answer you sooner rather than later, I’m cutting and pasting my previous response below (with some small edits):

I want to strongly emphasize that no one but YOU can determine your orientation. So if you don’t feel like asexual fits you then definitely don’t take it on. You have to do what’s right for you.

I think you may appreciate the following definition of asexuality & aromanticism that I put together with the help of some other aspec tumblr users. I based them on the dominant definitions I see going around, just refined and brought together in a cohesive way:

“Asexuality/aromanticism is primarily defined as two spectrums of people who very rarely-to-never feel sexual/romantic attraction (fluctuation is possible). However, it is also acceptable for people who experience moderate to high sexual/romantic attraction but very rarely-to-never want to do anything about it (.e.g., sex/romance repulsed[, low-no libido, etc]) to also ID on the aro/ace spectrums.” (source)

The second half basically means that it’s acceptable and cool if you choose to ID as asexual, but you don’t have to; especially since asexuality is primarily about sexual attraction [not libido or the amount of sex you have].

But for goodness sakes, if someone who’s sex-repulsed [or has a low-no libido] wants to use the label “asexual” bc they feel it fits and makes their lives even a little easier, then who tf am i to stand in their way?!? What kind of horrible person would I be? What kind of community would we be if we withheld it from people that need it?

I have my own childhood-teenage yr traumas (i have cptsd from chronic bullying) [and i have many chronic illnesses!] and I refuse to do that to fellow trauma sufferers [& spoonies, etc] just because there are some aphobes out there that wanna use their existence to somehow undermine asexuality as an orientation. That’s entirely on THEM though and I refuse to allow their ableism and aphobia to hurt such people any further - No fucking way.

So as I said before, how you identify is 100000% up to you and how you feel. Everyone else can and abso-lutely should keep any negative “feedback” about that to themselves.

Basically, if you’re feeling distressed that your libido has changed, then you very much SHOULD investigate it and try to fix it (if you want). I mean, even if it was a lifelong experience that is only NOW starting to cause you distress, I would still recommend you go talk with a professional or two or three (etc) and do what you can to feel better (whatever that means to YOU). 

You are NOT obligated to ID as asexual or aromantic for ANY reason, and you are certainly NOT responsible for the very problematic and harmful ways in which society constructs aspecs. 

That’s not on you, you need to do what’s best for YOU. 

I hope this helps!!! <3

Anonymous asked:

I'm pansexual, but currently my libido is suppressed due to having a horrifying, life-destroying illness that has taken my ability to live independently, hold a job, or do basically anything but lay in bed and cry from the pain. The fact that my libido is on hiatus is, though perfectly understandable given the situation, is distressing to me. Yet whenever I look for resources, such as 'how to boost libido' etc, or just some support in general, all I get is "it's called asexuality and you (1/2)

forevrdreamingofbetterthings answered:

need to be proud of it!“ This isn’t a complaint about a-specs though, the people who are doing this are, uniformly, not a-spec. It’s inclusionists saying “but but but not IDing as ace when you’re obviously ace is aphobic!” It’s exclusionists saying “if you love aces so much, why don’t you ID that way? lol it’s cause you know they’re fake!” In fact, the only people who seem to give me genuine sympathy are aces. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know what I’m asking, but you write (2/3)

such awesome stuff and I always feel better after reading your blog, so I figured I’d tell you my situation and see what it inspires you to write. (3/3)

Hello my friend, thank you so much for saying such kind things about my writing, I’m super pleased to hear it! 

That said, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness and its effects on your libido. I assume you were inspired to submit this anon to me bc of this recent comment on a reblog?

I’ve actually already answered a question like yours before (but the person was dealing with sex-repulsion, not low libido), so since I’m low on spoons but I wanna answer you sooner rather than later, I’m cutting and pasting my previous response below (with some small edits):

I want to strongly emphasize that no one but YOU can determine your orientation. So if you don’t feel like asexual fits you then definitely don’t take it on. You have to do what’s right for you.

I think you may appreciate the following definition of asexuality & aromanticism that I put together with the help of some other aspec tumblr users. I based them on the dominant definitions I see going around, just refined and brought together in a cohesive way:

“Asexuality/aromanticism is primarily defined as two spectrums of people who very rarely-to-never feel sexual/romantic attraction (fluctuation is possible). However, it is also acceptable for people who experience moderate to high sexual/romantic attraction but very rarely-to-never want to do anything about it (.e.g., sex/romance repulsed[, low-no libido, etc]) to also ID on the aro/ace spectrums.” (source)

The second half basically means that it’s acceptable and cool if you choose to ID as asexual, but you don’t have to; especially since asexuality is primarily about sexual attraction [not libido or the amount of sex you have].

But for goodness sakes, if someone who’s sex-repulsed [or has a low-no libido] wants to use the label “asexual” bc they feel it fits and makes their lives even a little easier, then who tf am i to stand in their way?!? What kind of horrible person would I be? What kind of community would we be if we withheld it from people that need it?

I have my own childhood-teenage yr traumas (i have cptsd from chronic bullying) [and i have many chronic illnesses!] and I refuse to do that to fellow trauma sufferers [& spoonies, etc] just because there are some aphobes out there that wanna use their existence to somehow undermine asexuality as an orientation. That’s entirely on THEM though and I refuse to allow their ableism and aphobia to hurt such people any further - No fucking way.

So as I said before, how you identify is 100000% up to you and how you feel. Everyone else can and abso-lutely should keep any negative “feedback” about that to themselves.

Basically, if you’re feeling distressed that your libido has changed, then you very much SHOULD investigate it and try to fix it (if you want). I mean, even if it was a lifelong experience that is only NOW starting to cause you distress, I would still recommend you go talk with a professional or two or three (etc) and do what you can to feel better (whatever that means to YOU). 

You are NOT obligated to ID as asexual or aromantic for ANY reason, and you are certainly NOT responsible for the very problematic and harmful ways in which society constructs aspecs. 

That’s not on you, you need to do what’s best for YOU. 

I hope this helps!!! <3

Anonymous asked:

I'm pansexual, but currently my libido is suppressed due to having a horrifying, life-destroying illness that has taken my ability to live independently, hold a job, or do basically anything but lay in bed and cry from the pain. The fact that my libido is on hiatus is, though perfectly understandable given the situation, is distressing to me. Yet whenever I look for resources, such as 'how to boost libido' etc, or just some support in general, all I get is "it's called asexuality and you (1/2)

forevrdreamingofbetterthings answered:

need to be proud of it!“ This isn’t a complaint about a-specs though, the people who are doing this are, uniformly, not a-spec. It’s inclusionists saying “but but but not IDing as ace when you’re obviously ace is aphobic!” It’s exclusionists saying “if you love aces so much, why don’t you ID that way? lol it’s cause you know they’re fake!” In fact, the only people who seem to give me genuine sympathy are aces. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know what I’m asking, but you write (2/3)

such awesome stuff and I always feel better after reading your blog, so I figured I’d tell you my situation and see what it inspires you to write. (3/3)

Hello my friend, thank you so much for saying such kind things about my writing, I’m super pleased to hear it! 

That said, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness and its effects on your libido. I assume you were inspired to submit this anon to me bc of this recent comment on a reblog?

I’ve actually already answered a question like yours before (but the person was dealing with sex-repulsion, not low libido), so since I’m low on spoons but I wanna answer you sooner rather than later, I’m cutting and pasting my previous response below (with some small edits):

I want to strongly emphasize that no one but YOU can determine your orientation. So if you don’t feel like asexual fits you then definitely don’t take it on. You have to do what’s right for you.

I think you may appreciate the following definition of asexuality & aromanticism that I put together with the help of some other aspec tumblr users. I based them on the dominant definitions I see going around, just refined and brought together in a cohesive way:

“Asexuality/aromanticism is primarily defined as two spectrums of people who very rarely-to-never feel sexual/romantic attraction (fluctuation is possible). However, it is also acceptable for people who experience moderate to high sexual/romantic attraction but very rarely-to-never want to do anything about it (.e.g., sex/romance repulsed[, low-no libido, etc]) to also ID on the aro/ace spectrums.” (source)

The second half basically means that it’s acceptable and cool if you choose to ID as asexual, but you don’t have to; especially since asexuality is primarily about sexual attraction [not libido or the amount of sex you have].

But for goodness sakes, if someone who’s sex-repulsed [or has a low-no libido] wants to use the label “asexual” bc they feel it fits and makes their lives even a little easier, then who tf am i to stand in their way?!? What kind of horrible person would I be? What kind of community would we be if we withheld it from people that need it?

I have my own childhood-teenage yr traumas (i have cptsd from chronic bullying) [and i have many chronic illnesses!] and I refuse to do that to fellow trauma sufferers [& spoonies, etc] just because there are some aphobes out there that wanna use their existence to somehow undermine asexuality as an orientation. That’s entirely on THEM though and I refuse to allow their ableism and aphobia to hurt such people any further - No fucking way.

So as I said before, how you identify is 100000% up to you and how you feel. Everyone else can and abso-lutely should keep any negative “feedback” about that to themselves.

Basically, if you’re feeling distressed that your libido has changed, then you very much SHOULD investigate it and try to fix it (if you want). I mean, even if it was a lifelong experience that is only NOW starting to cause you distress, I would still recommend you go talk with a professional or two or three (etc) and do what you can to feel better (whatever that means to YOU). 

You are NOT obligated to ID as asexual or aromantic for ANY reason, and you are certainly NOT responsible for the very problematic and harmful ways in which society constructs aspecs. 

That’s not on you, you need to do what’s best for YOU. 

I hope this helps!!! <3

Anonymous asked:

I'm pansexual, but currently my libido is suppressed due to having a horrifying, life-destroying illness that has taken my ability to live independently, hold a job, or do basically anything but lay in bed and cry from the pain. The fact that my libido is on hiatus is, though perfectly understandable given the situation, is distressing to me. Yet whenever I look for resources, such as 'how to boost libido' etc, or just some support in general, all I get is "it's called asexuality and you (1/2)

forevrdreamingofbetterthings answered:

need to be proud of it!“ This isn’t a complaint about a-specs though, the people who are doing this are, uniformly, not a-spec. It’s inclusionists saying “but but but not IDing as ace when you’re obviously ace is aphobic!” It’s exclusionists saying “if you love aces so much, why don’t you ID that way? lol it’s cause you know they’re fake!” In fact, the only people who seem to give me genuine sympathy are aces. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know what I’m asking, but you write (2/3)

such awesome stuff and I always feel better after reading your blog, so I figured I’d tell you my situation and see what it inspires you to write. (3/3)

Hello my friend, thank you so much for saying such kind things about my writing, I’m super pleased to hear it! 

That said, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness and its effects on your libido. I assume you were inspired to submit this anon to me bc of this recent comment on a reblog?

I’ve actually already answered a question like yours before (but the person was dealing with sex-repulsion, not low libido), so since I’m low on spoons but I wanna answer you sooner rather than later, I’m cutting and pasting my previous response below (with some small edits):

I want to strongly emphasize that no one but YOU can determine your orientation. So if you don’t feel like asexual fits you then definitely don’t take it on. You have to do what’s right for you.

I think you may appreciate the following definition of asexuality & aromanticism that I put together with the help of some other aspec tumblr users. I based them on the dominant definitions I see going around, just refined and brought together in a cohesive way:

“Asexuality/aromanticism is primarily defined as two spectrums of people who very rarely-to-never feel sexual/romantic attraction (fluctuation is possible). However, it is also acceptable for people who experience moderate to high sexual/romantic attraction but very rarely-to-never want to do anything about it (.e.g., sex/romance repulsed[, low-no libido, etc]) to also ID on the aro/ace spectrums.” (source)

The second half basically means that it’s acceptable and cool if you choose to ID as asexual, but you don’t have to; especially since asexuality is primarily about sexual attraction [not libido or the amount of sex you have].

But for goodness sakes, if someone who’s sex-repulsed [or has a low-no libido] wants to use the label “asexual” bc they feel it fits and makes their lives even a little easier, then who tf am i to stand in their way?!? What kind of horrible person would I be? What kind of community would we be if we withheld it from people that need it?

I have my own childhood-teenage yr traumas (i have cptsd from chronic bullying) [and i have many chronic illnesses!] and I refuse to do that to fellow trauma sufferers [& spoonies, etc] just because there are some aphobes out there that wanna use their existence to somehow undermine asexuality as an orientation. That’s entirely on THEM though and I refuse to allow their ableism and aphobia to hurt such people any further - No fucking way.

So as I said before, how you identify is 100000% up to you and how you feel. Everyone else can and abso-lutely should keep any negative “feedback” about that to themselves.

Basically, if you’re feeling distressed that your libido has changed, then you very much SHOULD investigate it and try to fix it (if you want). I mean, even if it was a lifelong experience that is only NOW starting to cause you distress, I would still recommend you go talk with a professional or two or three (etc) and do what you can to feel better (whatever that means to YOU). 

You are NOT obligated to ID as asexual or aromantic for ANY reason, and you are certainly NOT responsible for the very problematic and harmful ways in which society constructs aspecs. 

That’s not on you, you need to do what’s best for YOU. 

I hope this helps!!! <3

Anonymous asked:

I'm pansexual, but currently my libido is suppressed due to having a horrifying, life-destroying illness that has taken my ability to live independently, hold a job, or do basically anything but lay in bed and cry from the pain. The fact that my libido is on hiatus is, though perfectly understandable given the situation, is distressing to me. Yet whenever I look for resources, such as 'how to boost libido' etc, or just some support in general, all I get is "it's called asexuality and you (1/2)

need to be proud of it!“ This isn’t a complaint about a-specs though, the people who are doing this are, uniformly, not a-spec. It’s inclusionists saying "but but but not IDing as ace when you’re obviously ace is aphobic!” It’s exclusionists saying “if you love aces so much, why don’t you ID that way? lol it’s cause you know they’re fake!” In fact, the only people who seem to give me genuine sympathy are aces. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know what I’m asking, but you write (2/3)

such awesome stuff and I always feel better after reading your blog, so I figured I’d tell you my situation and see what it inspires you to write. (3/3)

Hello my friend, thank you so much for saying such kind things about my writing, I’m super pleased to hear it! 

That said, I’m really sorry to hear about your illness and its effects on your libido. I assume you were inspired to submit this anon to me bc of this recent comment on a reblog?

I’ve actually already answered a question like yours before (but the person was dealing with sex-repulsion, not low libido), so since I’m low on spoons but I wanna answer you sooner rather than later, I’m cutting and pasting my previous response below (with some small edits):

I want to strongly emphasize that no one but YOU can determine your orientation. So if you don’t feel like asexual fits you then definitely don’t take it on. You have to do what’s right for you.

I think you may appreciate the following definition of asexuality & aromanticism that I put together with the help of some other aspec tumblr users. I based them on the dominant definitions I see going around, just refined and brought together in a cohesive way:

“Asexuality/aromanticism is primarily defined as two spectrums of people who very rarely-to-never feel sexual/romantic attraction (fluctuation is possible). However, it is also acceptable for people who experience moderate to high sexual/romantic attraction but very rarely-to-never want to do anything about it (.e.g., sex/romance repulsed[, low-no libido, etc]) to also ID on the aro/ace spectrums.” (source)

The second half basically means that it’s acceptable and cool if you choose to ID as asexual, but you don’t have to; especially since asexuality is primarily about sexual attraction [not libido or the amount of sex you have].

But for goodness sakes, if someone who’s sex-repulsed [or has a low-no libido] wants to use the label “asexual” bc they feel it fits and makes their lives even a little easier, then who tf am i to stand in their way?!? What kind of horrible person would I be? What kind of community would we be if we withheld it from people that need it?

I have my own childhood-teenage yr traumas (i have cptsd from chronic bullying) [and i have many chronic illnesses!] and I refuse to do that to fellow trauma sufferers [& spoonies, etc] just because there are some aphobes out there that wanna use their existence to somehow undermine asexuality as an orientation. That’s entirely on THEM though and I refuse to allow their ableism and aphobia to hurt such people any further - No fucking way.

So as I said before, how you identify is 100000% up to you and how you feel. Everyone else can and abso-lutely should keep any negative “feedback” about that to themselves.

Basically, if you’re feeling distressed that your libido has changed, then you very much SHOULD investigate it and try to fix it (if you want). I mean, even if it was a lifelong experience that is only NOW starting to cause you distress, I would still recommend you go talk with a professional or two or three (etc) and do what you can to feel better (whatever that means to YOU). 

You are NOT obligated to ID as asexual or aromantic for ANY reason, and you are certainly NOT responsible for the very problematic and harmful ways in which society constructs aspecs. 

That’s not on you, you need to do what’s best for YOU. 

I hope this helps!!! <3

Anonymous asked:

It’s really empowering that you’re 33 and openly questioning tour sexuality and ended identity. Like almost every other adult on here is like “I knew when I was ten” or whatever and that’s not bad it’s perfectly fine but the fact that you’re not ashamed shows other people that it’s okay to change and question your gender identity.

Aww thanks so much for this, Anon, you’re so sweet! I’m really glad to hear that my questioning of my gender and sexuality is encouraging and empowering for you (and hopefully to others, too!). 

I’ve definitely struggled all my life with gender and sexuality, so I knew something was “wrong” and that I was constantly performing rather than “being”. It was only after coming to Tumblr that I realize that my feelings are & have always been valid, I’m not the only one, and I do have a right and a duty to myself to question these things. 

Tumblr may have many many MANY faults, but many of its amazing users have helped me to finally realize that it’s time for me to put in the effort of figuring out who “I” am as a human being, instead of as a marginalized cog in the peri-cis-patriarchal-heteronormative world in which we live. 

So ty Tumblr friends, you rock!! <3

Anonymous asked:

Hey! You're cool! I see your blog calling out terfs and bein awesome. You're doing great! <3

Anonymous asked:

You're lovely 💜

yb-cringe asked:

TBH THANK YOU FOR EXISTING I see such nasty shit online and seeing that you doing something about it and call it out??? Not just you but anyone who stands up for us??Warms my aroace heart. Thank you, seriously. I hope you know how important that is to me and others <3

Awwwww tysm for this, it really warms MY heart to know that all my efforts (& that of many many other amazing folks) are helping aspec folks like you and I feel like we matter and are loved and accepted. It’s very important to me that we have a great community of support and caring, and I am a very strong believer in leading by example. 💜🌷

[searchingforartemis]

@feministingforchange

Originally posted by teenagecrush

Originally posted by midnighth0ur

Originally posted by mothgirlx

Originally posted by little-ace

Originally posted by natureandbeauty

[forevrdreamingofbetterthings]

Omg thank you!!! Sorry for the lateness of my reply, I didn’t see it for some reason. Ty though, I feel so loved 💜🌸💜🌺🌈

TYSM @laureggythegreat !!!!!!!!!!!

cabyll-ushtey asked:

Hello! I just wanted to thank you SO MUCH for fighting for aro/aces! Every time I see you post positivity/fight for us, gives me the years of life back, I lost during this ridiculous discourse. I love you, thank you so much! I hope have a great day. ❤

Omg thank you so much for this kind message, it’s so sweet of you to say this. It also makes me incredibly happy to be able to help to bring years back to your life bc I’m sure you need and deserve them!! We aro/ace-specs deserve tons and tons and TONS of love and positivity and the Ace Discord™ can go straight to hell as far as i’m concerned. 

Thanks again!!! 💚💛💜

Anonymous asked:

How is a cishet who is ace less of an oppressor than a cishet non ace??

answered:

There’s like 12 million big compilation posts that give this information, many of which have been reblogged to this blog. Easiest way to find some of them is to do a search on my blog for feministingforchange, because I’ve reblogged many of them from her.

[forevrdreamingofbetterthings]

Come on down, friend, I got tons of of research, analysis, and receipts on asexuality/aromanticism that help to clarify your qs. 

Search for “systematic oppression”, “ace discourse”, “receipts”, “boostacevoices”, “boostarovoices”, “aspecsofcolor”, “aphobia”, “psa about the SAM”, “defining asexuality”, defining allosexual”, & “aphobia masterpost”. I’m sure there are more good tags to check out but they aren’t coming to mind right now, i will reblog with updates if i think of any, but this should keep you fairly busy for now.

Pls be warned though that there’s something glitchy going on with my blog since some recent updates to tumblr, so if things aren’t looking right, assume it’s a tumblr glitch. Let me know if you need any help :)

Oh & thx @yall-artemis-was-asexual for naming me here, I’m pleased to hear I’m a go-to for this type of info!!!

Anonymous asked:

I love your blog!

lil-lycanthropy asked:

If I could upload images into asks, I would upload the "you're doing great sweetie" meme like 40 time you do you keep putting people in their place through education and remember to take care of yourself as this is so mentally taxing to do 24/7

Thanks so much for this, I appreciate it! 💜💜💜